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tsuki_okami212I suppose now is a bad time to start getting more determined to write in my Live Journal. Having had that sentiment before, November looms to remind me that writing on a regular basis is a necessary thing. In the month of November, people like me try their hand at reaching a lofty goal. To write a story of 50,000 words within the month. Some people might think "That doesn't sound so hard!" But I and many others fail every year. I've got a lot of hopes this year. The story on my mind is something that's been lingering in the corners for months and months. I know many things about scenes I want and the feelings I want them to evoke. I know who the main character will be and the trials she will endure. And for times of writer's block, I'm gathering a list if "dares" (things people 'dare' you to include in your writing) that might jump start the plot line. Or at least keep my fingers moving until the muse gets back from her coffee break. Join the throngs attempting to put imagination to paper and comment here to let me know if you do!
My life seems to have found a mostly level path to follow even if it's not quite what I wish it to be. My handle on finances is still very poor. Helping my Mom out doesn't help, but she repays me as often as she can. If I didn't so frequently need the money myself, I'd tell her to keep it for future needs of her own. Or take it, only to hold onto it until she needs something new.
I can't deny that she does need the help, no matter what anyone might say. Last night her boyfriend had to take her to the hospital because she was spitting up blood. They thought it might be a bleeding ulcer or something. They did some tests to find out for sure what was wrong. They let her out of the hospital and told her how to take care of herself, so it must not be putting her in immediate danger. She hasn't told me anything specific about it just yet. I can be sure that there was something wrong and she was indeed in the hospital because Charles (the boyfriend) was present. I might not always like the guy but he is typically a brutally honest person. So if he says they were there, then they were.
So for now, her health continues to be a bar against her getting and keeping any sort of employment. Which is something both she and I wish would happen. If she had a job, my money would be my own to pay bills and buy things for myself. And she would have the satisfaction of independence along with knowing that she would no longer be a financial burden to me. That would make a lot of my friends and other family happy as well. Though it seems to be a trait among most of my family members (sister not included) to be poor at handling money in a responsible way. One that allows them to remain in the black and keeping with a healthy lifestyle.
I guess all that rambling shows it still bothers me to deal with my Mother on financial issues; even when I can't escape the fact of need.
My sister and I tend to get along in fits and starts. Things are fine for days. Or maybe only hours as something is said or done and starts a period of bickering. Sometimes this settles with a few comments or some time apart. Sometimes it escalates to yelling matches and steamed tempers. It only escalates to physical actions on occasion and usually because one or the other of us is either filled with emotions too strong for words but needing to be expressed. Usually in the form of throwing or breaking things, but sometimes a direct physical confrontation.
My dog is healthier than he was for a while; evidenced by his return to running around the small garden of the apartments like it's a race track. For a while he was pretty quiet and that was probably caused by the combination attacks of two infections and a flea problem. The infections are gone. the flea problem is much less severe than before, but still present to some degree in the apartment. We're trying to vacuum the apartment at least once a week. And the dog at least gets a bath once or twice a week with medicated or flea shampoo. the cat has a current need for new flea medication, but I'm not sure how that will be getting paid for. The dog is taken care of until mid-November.
One of the reasons, perhaps, for my lack of posting here is because it absorbs my attention. Writing does what few things manage to do and holds my attention steady. Normally sitting at the computer would mean I was chatting, checking a forum, reading a web comic, checking e-mail and maybe doing a search for something or playing a Gaia game. Flitting from one thing to the next like a restless hummingbird. But when I write, I focus and tend to ignore all other things. Which is why I tend to seem "rude" in chats if also writing because I'll be silent for long stretches of time. I respond to conversations when my fingers/mind have still enough to notice the flicker of the IM alert at the bottom of the screen. I wonder if it might sound egotistical to talk about it like this. But usually the only thing that truly holds my focus is reading or watching movie I'm really interested in.
I seem to be writing partly in a simple "stream of consciousness" in regards to topic. Yet seem to be drawn into talking about said topics in an aloof and perhaps analytical manner. Oh well. I write in what ever way is easiest or fits the information I wish to express at the time. I hope that I can keep a consistent style going when it comes to writing for NaNoWriMo.
Thanks to everyone, of the small audience I have, for reading today. I might be doing a new entry every day to get a sort of "running start" on the habit for next month. It's only a week away and getting to the end of "aloof" mode.... I'm excited! Whether I write well or not. Or people like what I render to type or not...NaNo is an event that I look forward to and enjoy a great deal. So look forward to hearing from me more often. I don't know if I will be able to update daily here for any length after getting out 1,600-1,700 words per day of story crafting.
"Aloof" mode seems to be when I'm more coherent. True stream of consciousness from me is very, very jumbled. To say the least. Anyway, Things will only get worse from here so I'll call it quits for this entry and will see you all later.
My life seems to have found a mostly level path to follow even if it's not quite what I wish it to be. My handle on finances is still very poor. Helping my Mom out doesn't help, but she repays me as often as she can. If I didn't so frequently need the money myself, I'd tell her to keep it for future needs of her own. Or take it, only to hold onto it until she needs something new.
I can't deny that she does need the help, no matter what anyone might say. Last night her boyfriend had to take her to the hospital because she was spitting up blood. They thought it might be a bleeding ulcer or something. They did some tests to find out for sure what was wrong. They let her out of the hospital and told her how to take care of herself, so it must not be putting her in immediate danger. She hasn't told me anything specific about it just yet. I can be sure that there was something wrong and she was indeed in the hospital because Charles (the boyfriend) was present. I might not always like the guy but he is typically a brutally honest person. So if he says they were there, then they were.
So for now, her health continues to be a bar against her getting and keeping any sort of employment. Which is something both she and I wish would happen. If she had a job, my money would be my own to pay bills and buy things for myself. And she would have the satisfaction of independence along with knowing that she would no longer be a financial burden to me. That would make a lot of my friends and other family happy as well. Though it seems to be a trait among most of my family members (sister not included) to be poor at handling money in a responsible way. One that allows them to remain in the black and keeping with a healthy lifestyle.
I guess all that rambling shows it still bothers me to deal with my Mother on financial issues; even when I can't escape the fact of need.
My sister and I tend to get along in fits and starts. Things are fine for days. Or maybe only hours as something is said or done and starts a period of bickering. Sometimes this settles with a few comments or some time apart. Sometimes it escalates to yelling matches and steamed tempers. It only escalates to physical actions on occasion and usually because one or the other of us is either filled with emotions too strong for words but needing to be expressed. Usually in the form of throwing or breaking things, but sometimes a direct physical confrontation.
My dog is healthier than he was for a while; evidenced by his return to running around the small garden of the apartments like it's a race track. For a while he was pretty quiet and that was probably caused by the combination attacks of two infections and a flea problem. The infections are gone. the flea problem is much less severe than before, but still present to some degree in the apartment. We're trying to vacuum the apartment at least once a week. And the dog at least gets a bath once or twice a week with medicated or flea shampoo. the cat has a current need for new flea medication, but I'm not sure how that will be getting paid for. The dog is taken care of until mid-November.
One of the reasons, perhaps, for my lack of posting here is because it absorbs my attention. Writing does what few things manage to do and holds my attention steady. Normally sitting at the computer would mean I was chatting, checking a forum, reading a web comic, checking e-mail and maybe doing a search for something or playing a Gaia game. Flitting from one thing to the next like a restless hummingbird. But when I write, I focus and tend to ignore all other things. Which is why I tend to seem "rude" in chats if also writing because I'll be silent for long stretches of time. I respond to conversations when my fingers/mind have still enough to notice the flicker of the IM alert at the bottom of the screen. I wonder if it might sound egotistical to talk about it like this. But usually the only thing that truly holds my focus is reading or watching movie I'm really interested in.
I seem to be writing partly in a simple "stream of consciousness" in regards to topic. Yet seem to be drawn into talking about said topics in an aloof and perhaps analytical manner. Oh well. I write in what ever way is easiest or fits the information I wish to express at the time. I hope that I can keep a consistent style going when it comes to writing for NaNoWriMo.
Thanks to everyone, of the small audience I have, for reading today. I might be doing a new entry every day to get a sort of "running start" on the habit for next month. It's only a week away and getting to the end of "aloof" mode.... I'm excited! Whether I write well or not. Or people like what I render to type or not...NaNo is an event that I look forward to and enjoy a great deal. So look forward to hearing from me more often. I don't know if I will be able to update daily here for any length after getting out 1,600-1,700 words per day of story crafting.
"Aloof" mode seems to be when I'm more coherent. True stream of consciousness from me is very, very jumbled. To say the least. Anyway, Things will only get worse from here so I'll call it quits for this entry and will see you all later.
